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My middle child is having surgery tomorrow

December 7, 2011

As per title.

It’s only a dental extraction – oh, I’ll get into the mother-guilt about that later – but it’s the first time any of my children have been under a general anaesthetic. He’s only five!! Adding to the nervousness on my part (HE is fine) is the fact that I do not “do” hospitals well at all.

I had a traumatic birth experience when Evie (Miss 3) was born. One of the worst parts of it was when they took her away from me and I couldn’t see or control what they were doing to her. This has repercussions throughout life, not just if one has to give birth again. Recently I visited a friend in hospital with her new baby and I had to practice breathing techniques and take Rescue Remedy just to get through the doors … of a different hospital to the one I went to. I have had flashbacks and panic attacks going near the hospital that I went to, or even driving the route we took when I transferred from my planned homebirth. When I am at the dentist I am on the verge of panic attacks not because I am scared of dental work itself but because when I am in the chair and having the work done I cannot speak, I don’t have the ability to say “stop” if I need to and this reminds me of the feelings of powerlessness and the loss of control I experienced at Evie’s birth.

Anyway, this is why the part where I have to leave him is going to be particularly hard.

I’m sure he will be fine. I’m not so sure about me.


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